in

Wayne Rooney To Ply His Trade In America

#MerciWayne

Wayne Rooney has agreed to a deal in principle that could see him leave Merseyside this summer to ply his trade in Washington, D.C.

The former England striker famously ‘put down the tools’ aged 16 to concentrate on his footballing career, but since joining Everton on a part-time contract, he’s managed to weave time for the bricks once more.

The news of the transfer comes as no surprise to fans and pundits alike. Throughout the season, Rooney has performed lacklustre on the pitch during the day and then been seen excelling on driveways in the evening.

He also upset several Manchester United fans earlier this season by stating his favourite treble was in the 2016-17 season, where he won the Europa League, the regional award for most creative use of exposed aggregate and apprentice of the year.

We caught up with Wayne during his away match against Huddersfield, where he was an unused starter.

“I joked with Coleen that she’s always moaning I never get the washing done, and now we’re moving to Washingdon.” Laughed Rooney, as he explained why he’s chosen Washington, of all places in America.

“I’ve achieved it all in England, and now it’s time for me to earn some trophies abroad.”

Rooney has been offered a contract that would keep him in the United States until 2020. Whilst a deal has been seemingly negotiated, nothing has been signed. There is still some uncertainty whether his current contractor, Big Sam, will let one of Everton’s most experienced tradesmen leave.

Specialising in garden walls, patios, driveways and conservatory bases, Wayne Rooney will go down as a legend for his time spent here in England.

#MerciWayne

Danny Drinkwater To Miss World Cup Due To Dehydration

Surprise as Kim Jong-un Announces He’ll be Taking Part in This Year’s SoccerAid