Surprise as Kim Jong-un Announces He’ll be Taking Part in This Year’s SoccerAid

by James Copeland

Kim Jong-un has once again shocked the world’s media after confirming he’ll be playing as part of a dynamic front three for SoccerAid’s International team.

The controversial dictator, who has turned heads with his uncharacteristically diplomatic approach to foreign affairs in recent months, will play alongside the likes of Usain Bolt and Eric Cantona in the annual charity football game.

“I’m extremely excited to get stuck in” said Jong-un, who told us he was forced to turn his phone off after persistent approaches from the likes of Barcelona and Real Madrid earlier in the week. “I’m what some might call a ‘pace-merchant’, but I’m a real physical presence too. Robbie Williams and the bassist from McFly must be shitting themselves.”

North Koreans aren’t known for their footballing prowess, but their brazen leader has insisted they have a firm track record. “In the last 4 years alone we’ve won an Olympic gold and reached a World Cup final. I’m confident I can do us proud at Old Trafford in June.”

But it was Donald Trump who had the final word in the form of a fiery tweet aimed at his North Korean counterpart. “I can play soccer. I did 17,000,000 keepy-uppies just yesterday. I could do more if I wanted, no problem. Nobody plays soccer better than me. PROVE ME WRONG.”

More to follow.

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