REVEALED: Amateur player’s goal on Saturday wasn’t as good as he made it out to be

by Mitch Murphy

Patrons at the Black Horse pub were shocked to discover that earlier that day pub local Ruhaan Parmer had apparently scored the greatest goal ever – but there isn’t any recorded footage and you just have to take Ruhaan’s word for it.

According to Ruhaan, the goal came after a weaving run inside his own half which sat down at least 3, maybe 4, opposition players before he hit a 35 yard thunderbolt off the bar and in to the net. Ruhaan happily regaled his fellow patrons with verbal alternate angles of the goal as he consumed more and more alcohol. It was only when Ruhaan was 6 pints deep that people began to question the validity of his story.

“With every pint Ruhaan seemed to add 5 yards to the distance out and 2 players to the number he dribbled past,” said Carl Burns, who is a known drinking buddy of Ruhaan’s. “By pint 9, Ruhaan was claiming the goal he scored was an overhead header. Is that even possible? We tried to see if it was a thing by attempting to overhead head a pack of nuts in the pub but none of us could get close. Not even Ruhaan.”

It was only when Steve, Ruhaan’s central midfield partner, turned up at the pub that the issue was put to rest. “Steve quickly sorted it out,” said Carl. “He told us Ruhaan’s goal was shit and that we should have seen his.”

We tried to reach out to Steve for a comment but according to Ruhaan he was whisked away from the pub via ambulance in the early hours of last night after multiple failed overhead header attempts.

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