Reality Checks to be Carried out at all of England’s Airports

Sorry mate, you’re barred.

British Aerospace has announced they’ll be carrying out on-the-spot reality checks at every English airport over the next few days.

Starting with Heathrow, airport staff will be frisking random English citizens with a series of questions, such as ‘if you could book football a taxi, where would you book it to?’ and ‘What is the default setting on football’s satnav?’.

“The premise is simple,” says Tina Boone, the Minister of Travel. “If anyone answers ‘home’ to these questions, they definitely aren’t coming home.”

Airport staff have been told to focus on English people, making this particular piece of legislation a first as far as racial profiling is concerned.

“For once, we’re specifically targeting white, middle class men who might be smuggling a botched St George’s flag tattoo into the country,” continued Boone. “The Muslims can finally relax. We’re very much after the 1% – the tossers who knock off work early on Fridays but remain in their suits until the early hours.”

More to follow.

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