in

R.L. Stine To Write England World Cup Preview

England beware, you’re in for a scare

The FA have announced R.L. Stine will pen the upcoming official England World Cup preview after snubbing Stephen King. King was set to take the job but a last-minute bid from the Daily Mail won the publishing rights forcing the Football Association to hire an author who caters to a lower reading age.

“The FA called me and said ‘King’s out’. Then they asked me what kind of skills I could bring to the table when writing the preview. I told them I have a large amount of experience writing about clowns. They laughed. I laughed. I got the job there and then.”

The American author is best known for his horror themed children’s books with such hits as: Night of the Living Dummy, Night of the Living Dummy 2 and Revenge of the Living Dummy, but Stine is claiming this World Cup preview will be he magnum opus.

“It’s an honour to be given the gig. The plot, characters, and theme all have the makings of a great horror story. I can’t wait to get started. Maybe Sven emerges from a baron lagoon and takes his revenge? Who knows. I don’t want to give too much away.”

We reached out to Stephen King for a comment but were simply told to ‘Fuck off’.

Southgate Prepares for Tonight’s Friendly by Eating Lunch at Bella Italia

Every English citizen places £50 on England to win World Cup