Scientists at BuzzFeed have confirmed what many in the East of London have suspected for decades: Supporting West Ham is bad for your health, image, and general wellbeing.
The revelation topped the website’s recent ‘Top 50 Life Hacks!’ list, outperforming other entries such as ‘simply not dying’, ‘never ever watching the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot’, and ‘stabbing yourself with a small knife daily to build up your immunity to bigger knives’.
The news comes as a further blow to West Ham owners Gold and Sullivan who have faced increasing opposition to their ownership in recent weeks. In an official statement released over Twitter, David Gold had this to say: ‘While it’s difficult to dispute BuzzFeed’s findings, the information is far from trustworthy, so let’s get that straight. I once took a ‘Which goalkeeper should you sign?’ quiz on their site and got Joe Hart. So, you know. What’s the deal with that? Of course, people will say you shouldn’t be signing players via BuzzFeed quizzes but I’ve found them to be incredibly trustworthy.’
David Sullivan was unable to comment as, in order to adjust to West Ham’s new stadium, the part-owner has taken to sitting 1000 meters away from everything in his life and was therefore unable to read the BuzzFeed findings. While Mr. Sullivan’s attempts to scream a statement towards us were appreciated we would have simply preferred a closer seat.