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Newly Discovered Cave Paintings Depict the Last Time Saido Berahino Scored a Goal

Mourinho’s tactics were also found in the cave.

Archaeologists have discovered a series of ancient drawings on the walls of a cave in Western Morocco that appear to depict the last time Saido Berahino scored a goal in a professional competition.

The scribblings have been sent straight to the Saido Berahino Research Institute – a governmental organisation dedicated to discovering exactly how Saido Berahino is still getting paid money by a respectable football club – for further analysis. Whilst that analysis is still ongoing, experts have revealed to High Press News that the tribal illustrations do indeed appear to show Berahino wheeling away from the Crystal Palace goal, with a scoreboard in the background that visibly displays the numbers “3-2”.

“To say this is exciting is an understatement,” enthused Keith Data, the Head of Research at the SBRI. “Saido’s last goal was so long ago that many experts believed it to be mere mythology. This is equivalent to finding a postcard from the City of Atlantis.”

After Berahino’s goal last night, scientists have spent Wednesday deliberating over when the next goal will occur. “We really have no idea,” continued Keith Data. “Some schools of thought believe the floodgates are open, and that Berahino may go on a run of goals. But the more prominent theory is that Berahino’s footballing form behaves in much the same way as Mt. Vesuvius: erupting every few thousand years. Time will tell who is right.”

More to follow.

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