Newcastle Fans Buy Mike Ashley a Brand New Helicopter

by James Copeland

Newcastle fans have rallied to buy club owner Mike Ashley a brand new helicopter, allegedly just as a pre-Christmas treat for being such a good owner.

The money-raising campaign was started by Jordan Tyne, or “Jordy” to his friends, who claims he wanted to show Ashley that he is a beloved asset amongst Newcastle fans.

“Hopefully this will enable Mr. Ashley to get to and from our games as easily as possible. It has absolutely nothing to do with the recent helicopter crash in Leicester, and I’m insulted by the insinuation.”

The helicopter is branded with various pictures of Mike Ashley’s face, so that “there’s absolutely no ambiguity which one is Mike’s”. High Press News has heard reports that, whilst it doesn’t have any ejector seats, it is equipped with bespoke cup holders large enough to hold the iconic Sports Direct mugs.

Mr Ashley has already thanked Newcastle fans in a series of tweets, but has stated that, due to a recently developed fear of heights, he will not be taking it for a spin anytime soon.

More to follow.

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