Watford’s new manager, Javi Gracia, has intentionally shattered his metatarsal in a bid to fit in with his injury-ridden dressing room, it was announced last night.
The Spaniard, who oversaw a 4-1 win against Chelsea in his first game in charge at Vicarage Road, was adamant it had brought his team closer together.
“I’d stroll into the dressing room, limp-free, and the players used to stare back at me like I was mocking them. So I bashed my left foot in with Troy Deeney’s Predators. Now I can finally relate to them when they complain about the itch underneath their casts, or the ridiculously short amount of time you’re given to cross the road at a set of lights.”
Watford, who are only 6 points above the relegation zone, can only boast 2 match-fit assets at the moment: an enthusiastic fan and the club’s mascot, Harry the Hornet. When asked about whether this will affect his ability to command the touchline, Gracia remained defiant.
“Maybe, but it’s not a problem” he explained through sporadic winces. “The bonding has been far more valuable. I carry a pen around with me in case somebody wants to sign my cast. Just yesterday Richarlison wrote “Fuck off and go back to Spain”, which everyone found hilarious. Including me.”
The players themselves, however, are less enthused. “He keeps asking me if the painkillers give me constipation” said Younes Kaboul, who is currently nursing a fractured metatarsal himself. “To be honest, I’ve realised he’s a bit of a daft twat.”