Jose Mourinho has finally revealed the reason for United’s poor start to the season: the untimely death of soul legend Aretha Franklin.
In what will likely become an infamous press conference after United’s 0-3 defeat to Spurs, an emotional Mourinho fought back the tears and said “Respect, respect, respect” whilst appearing to point to the heavens, leaving the room of journalists to dwell on a touching homage to Aretha’s memory.
Since Aretha’s passing on 16th August, Manchester United have failed to register a point, leaving them with just a solitary win against Leicester. “She teaches me to think,” Jose once said of the Memphis-born soprano, “think about what I’m trying to do to my opponents. She makes me feel like a natural manager.”
Nobody has seen Jose since his abrupt exist from last night’s conference, but High Press News did manage to speak to Ed Woodward. “There’s been a chain of fools speculating about his future at the club,” said United’s Chief Executive. “We’re all saying a little prayer that he can overcome this and return to winning ways.”
More to follow.