An Arsenal fan who has barely even kicked a football has baffled his friends by continuing to talk about his club’s fortunes in the first person plural.
Steve Slouch, from Leamington Spa, often discusses Arsenal’s form as though he is personally involved – a habit that has started to irk those around him.
“He’s never even been to a game” explained Gary Benson, who is exposed to Steve’s ramblings every Sunday evening over a series of lengthy Facebook posts. “He checks the scores on the BBC and then spends a solid hour each week typing out vacuous phrases like ‘we just can’t seem find the right balance’ and ‘we’re not using our pace up front’. I’d unfriend him, but he’s definitely the kind of bloke that’d send you a message asking what he did wrong.”
Gary isn’t the only one feeling imprisoned by Steve’s rants. “It’s even worse when England are playing” lamented Martin Pinch, who met Steve once at a party 7 years ago and has been Facebook friends with him ever since.
“He’ll say things like ‘the media is getting to us and it’s affecting our confidence’ – as though he and Raheem Sterling contribute equally to England’s performances. I once made the mistake of liking one of his posts by accident, and now he tags me in every single one.”
Nonetheless, Steve doesn’t plan on stopping any time soon. “I’ll stop when we win the league” he told High Press News in 2005.
More to follow.