IFAB Introduce EER as the Solution to Recent VAR Errors

by Chris Rivers

The International Football Association Board (IFAB) have today announced that they will begin testing the use of Excellent Eyesight Referees (EER) to assist Video Assistant Referees (VAR).

IFAB, the body that determines the Laws of the Game, approved the use of VAR back in June 2016 and after just two years have been forced into premature innovation following recent events that have caused a backlash among footballers and managers alike.

Jose Mourinho has already spoken out in anguish about the new technology, claiming that it’s “handing over the game to the robots”, whilst fellow Premier League complainer Antonio Conte suggested it “creates another level of bias and unruly decision making”.

Amongst the flurry of sports-persons speaking out against the technology, a small selection of fans and managers have begun exploiting the system for personal gain.

In a Primeira Liga clash between Aves vs Boavista earlier this month, VAR failed to disallow a goal that was 5-metres offside, because fans of the opposition team were obscuring the VAR camera with a gigantic flag which read “George Orwell estava certo”.

Meanwhile, rumours have circulated that suggest clubs (Huddersfield of those named) have secretly begun hiring ethical hackers to interfere with the video footage that reaches the control centre.

An unnamed hacker suggested that he replaced the VAR guidelines during Huddersfield vs Man United with “images he’d made on paint” in an attempt to overrule an offside decision.

After weeks of deliberation, corruption and neat spirits, IFAB has decided that the only solution is introducing EER. For each match that uses VAR, a person with 20/20 vision will be suspended above the pitch and will assist video referees via Walky Talky.

Former Premier League referee Mike Riley announced earlier today that “excellent eyesight referees are the missing ingredient within video-assisted refereeing and their introduction will improve accuracy by 106%”

EER will be tested for the first time in a competitive match during this weekend’s fixture between Liverpool & Newcastle.

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