Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s high-profile move to LA Galaxy has prompted rallies across the US as fears over dangerous shooters intensify, it has been revealed.
“Given the current atmosphere in this country, the last thing we need is another lethal poacher within our borders” exclaimed one impassioned protester, who insisted on pronouncing Zlatan as Zlay-ton. “Trump insists on keeping plenty of innocent people out of this country just because of their nationality, but he happily welcomes an arrogant Russian who is famous for his shooting ability. It’s beyond me.”
Ibrahimovic, who will shoot indiscriminately if given half the chance, is perplexed by the furore. “People have described me as a dangerous lone shooter” said the 36 year-old as he posed for another statue. “But I’m not on loan – my move to LA Galaxy is a permanent deal. I’m very excited to show the MLS what I can do.”
The NRA have welcomed LA Galaxy’s announcement with loaded arms. “This guy can really shoot. I mean he puts us to shame. We hear he’s one of the most accurate shooters in the world, capable of shooting through even the most stubborn of walls. Finally the millions we’ve invested in shady bribes have yielded some results. Welcome, Mr EyeBrahHeeMoVich. We can’t wait to see what you can do.”