in

Gareth Southgate to be Knighted After 1-0 Win Over Holland

Not all heroes where capes.

Gareth Southgate will be included on the Queen’s birthday honours list after eeking out a 1-0 victory in a friendly over Holland, it has been announced.

The Englishman steered the National Team to their first victory against the Dutch in 8 games, making winning the World Cup a virtual certainty.

“This is a landmark moment for British Sport” said Colin Bigot, the Director for British Honours, through mouthfuls of pulled swan baguette. “We’re also going to be naming a gate at Heathrow Airport after Gareth. It’s going to be called the South Entrance, which we think is a fitting tribute to the man’s genius.”

Southgate himself is delighted with the announcement. “To have basically won the World Cup before it’s even started is obviously fantastic” he told High Press News. “I’m excited to be able to change my email signature to include “Sir”, and look forward to loudly correcting people whenever they just call me Gareth.”

“The lads have done fantastically well tonight, but I don’t think it’s too bold to say that I deserve most of the credit. Did Hodgson beat Holland? Did Allardyce? Did Sven Goran Eriksson? No. Gareth did. Or should I say, Sir Gareth did.”

More to follow.

Man City’s Build-up Play Becomes 3rd Most Searched Term on Pornhub

Gun Control Rallies as LA Galaxy Sign World Class Shooter