Fantasy Premier League Managers bid Emotional Farewell to Loved Ones Until May

by James Copeland

FPL managers have said tearful goodbyes to their friends and family, promising to see them again once the season has concluded, it has been revealed.

This week’s international break was the last of the season, meaning fantasy managers must navigate weekly fixtures from now until mid-May.

“It’s obviously hard,” said Dave Straw from Livingston, who was out shopping for camping gear. “But it’s absolutely necessary. The only way I can focus on developing a watertight double gameweek strategy is to travel to the slopes of the Rwenzori Mountain Range in Uganda and immerse myself in a deep state of meditation.”

“Of course, I’ll need wifi to make changes to my team” continued Dave. “Which is why I’ll be checking into a local Premier Inn just outside Kampala every evening. It’s going to cost a fortune, but it’s the only way I can guarantee a top 3 finish in my work league.”

Dave is among 4 million managers seeking isolation over the next few months, leaving families across the world in a state of disarray. “My husband is going to be living on a boat somewhere in the North Atlantic” explained Brenda Hopkins from Cardiff. “He’s quit his job and plunged us into financial destitution. But if he can win his league, he’ll win a £25 Sports Direct voucher and a tub of 5-month old Quality Street, so it could all be worth it.”

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