A fantasy football manager from Slough has been forced into doing “weekend activities” like taking his kids to the park and doing a food shop at ASDA over the FA Cup weekend, it has been revealed.
Dave Gormley, who currently manages Chicken Tikka Mo Salah, told High Press News he despised every minute of it. “It’s been a fucking nightmare, to be honest” said Dave, who we found bleeding the radiators in the spare bedroom. “Usually the football gets me out of doing these things, but I’ve had no choice but to become an active member of the household again.”
Dave’s weekend has also included repainting the garden shed, visiting his wife’s parents for “a quick cup of tea” and spending 117 minutes on hold to TalkTalk. “I inadvertently called my wife ‘Jeff Stelling’ as we were making love on Saturday morning” he admitted. “Her name’s actually Tanya, so I was way off.”
Tanya Gormley, however, seems overjoyed at having a weekend with her husband. “Usually my Saturday afternoons are filled with sporadic groans whenever a clean-sheet is wiped out” she explained. “Which is all the time. This is the first time I’ve seen him smile in about 7 years.”