In what has come as a shock to the business world, the FA today announced that they have invested every penny of the £600m raised through the sale of Wembley in to their new N’Golo Kante flavoured energy drink.
“It really does taste like N’Golo Kante,” said Keith Beverage of the Football Association, who demonstrated the power of the drink by taking a sip then immediately shuttling Janet from accounts out of play. “When people think N’Golo Kante they think Drinkwater. We want to change that. We want people to think of Kante and Drink-62-grams-of-sugar.”
“You know how it is, you get out of bed, you’re tired, you’ve got 25 minutes to get to work, you need to win possession back for the team and run on average 11km a game. This is the average day for people up and down the country and if we can do something to help out by releasing this energy drink then fine. £600m well spent.”
But it’s not all sunshine and Danny Roses for the FA and their new product as consumer reviews have varied considerably. Donna from Glenross recently submitted a complaint to the Football Association after finding herself involuntarily bringing down multiple children during the school run believing they were through on goal.