Everton Sack Manager After Discovering He’s Sam Allardyce

by Mitch Murphy

News has broken that business tyrant and Everton chairman Farhad Moshiri relieved the now former Everton manager after being informed he was indeed Sam Allardyce.

“My team were being threatened by relegation,” said the Iranian billionaire, stroking a bald cat while speaking to the press. “I ordered my CEO to send me various pictures of men who specialise in such circumstances and then I picked the man with the largest head. And you cannot deny the man has a thunderous head. Thanos-like, if anything. Have you seen Inifinity War yet? Have you seen the size of Thanos’ head?”

According to Mr. Moshiri, it was only after a recent visit to Goodison Park that he was informed he had indeed hired Sam Allardyce. “I couldn’t believe it. ‘That man with the Thanos head down there?’ I asked. Not a chance. Then I watched the football and realised that I had indeed hired Sam Allardyce. It was putrid stuff. Nothing like the recent Avengers movie – Infinity War. That was fantastic.”

Mr. Moshiri was quick to fire back when quizzed over what was next for the Merseyside club.

“What will most likely happen is Marco Silva comes in, performs poorly and we’re back in the market for Sam Allardyce around December – January time.”

Along with Allardyce, his backroom staff, including chef Toby Carvery, have departed the club.

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