in

David Davis Resigns After Being Told He Can’t Have Next Monday Off

Someone already had it off.

Former Brexit Secretary David Davis has sensationally resigned after being told his request to have next Monday off so he could get on it with the lads for the World Cup final was denied.

Davis, who has been spearheading the British Brexit negotiations, was seen acting lairy on Borough High Street, London shortly after the victory over Sweden on Saturday, stamping his authority on inanimate objects such as ambulances and bus stops while screaming ‘It’s coming home’.

Michel Barnier, he EU’s chief Brexit negotiator, has revealed he received various texts over the weekend from Davis with the vast majority arriving past the hours of 3am. “I find it profoundly unprofessional and damaging to be awakened by WhatsApp messages reading: ‘u up pussy?’ and ‘fite me irl’.”

Panic as Leak Reveals Network Rail in Charge of England Hype Train

Third Season of Serial Podcast to Focus on Disappearance of Tottenham Summer Transfers