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British Manager Merry-Go-Round to Open at Alton Towers

It’ll be next to the sack slide.

Alton Towers has revealed plans to launch the UK’s first British Manager Merry-Go-Round – or Manager-Go-Round – at the start of the 18/19 season in August.

The ride will be similar to the traditional merry-go-round, but will feature big plastic molds of unemployed British managers in the place of horses.

“The Manager-Go-Round gives visitors an insight into the pressures faced by the modern-day football manager in a way never before thought possible” explained Barry Fun, who became the CEO of Alton Towers after years of running a successful paedophile ring. “What better way to understand the mental fragility of Sam Allardyce or David Moyes than by sitting on their frowning faces for 3 and a half minutes?”

Other managers featured on the ride include Mark Hughes, Alan Pardew, Steve Bruce and Harry Redknapp. “The criteria is simple” continued Mr. Fun, “as long as you’re a British manager with a mediocre track record and a dangerously high BMI, you’re a shoe-in for the ride. We’ve got plenty of managers to choose from.”

The move comes after Thorpe Park opened the Emotional Rollercoaster last year: a ride that takes adrenalin junkies through the ups and downs of Wayne Rooney’s personal life.

More to follow.

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