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Arsenal To Start Arsene Wenger Robot In Final Home Match

The best robot since James Milner.

Arsenal Football Club today announced that their father, Arsene Wenger, will be stepping down as manager at the end of the season.

To pay tribute to their long-serving boss, Arsenal have revealed their plans to field a 13-foot Arsene Wenger robot in their final home game of the season vs Burnley.

The Gunners have not been shy about honouring their boss in the past. Following his invincibles season in 2003-04, North London Reds surprised many by renaming themselves Arsenal, which in French translates to ‘All Arsene’.

The robot has been carefully designed for the past 10 years by the ASIMO team at Honda, in a project funded by TESLA. The aptly named “WengerBot” is claimed to now be the world’s most advanced humanoid robot, meaning it can perform better than the likes of Jack Wilshere as a footballer, and as a human.

Elon Musk told us how he came to be involved in the secret project: “When I was just 13, Arsene scouted me on oDesk and continued to guide me until this very day. So when Stan Kroenke came to me with this fantastic idea for a tribute, there was no way I could have refused.”

WengerBot completed a full training session today and is expected to start in central midfield on May 6th. Spectators have reported that he ‘lacks pace but makes up for it with his ability to guard the ball’. It’s also been reported that he cannot move diagonally.

He also seems to be a hit with his teammates:


Arsenal are currently working to facilitate an interview with the new player later this week.

It’s been rumoured that WengerBot could be part of Didier Deschamps World Cup plans this summer. More to follow.

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