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    British Manager Merry-Go-Round to Open at Alton Towers

    Alton Towers has revealed plans to launch the UK’s first British Manager Merry-Go-Round – or Manager-Go-Round – at the start of the 18/19 season in August. The ride will be similar to the traditional merry-go-round, but will feature big plastic molds of unemployed British managers in the place of horses. “The Manager-Go-Round gives visitors an […] More

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    Everton Sack Manager After Discovering He’s Sam Allardyce

    News has broken that business tyrant and Everton chairman Farhad Moshiri relieved the now former Everton manager after being informed he was indeed Sam Allardyce. “My team were being threatened by relegation,” said the Iranian billionaire, stroking a bald cat while speaking to the press. “I ordered my CEO to send me various pictures of […] More

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    Surprise as Kim Jong-un Announces He’ll be Taking Part in This Year’s SoccerAid

    Kim Jong-un has once again shocked the world’s media after confirming he’ll be playing as part of a dynamic front three for SoccerAid’s International team. The controversial dictator, who has turned heads with his uncharacteristically diplomatic approach to foreign affairs in recent months, will play alongside the likes of Usain Bolt and Eric Cantona in […] More

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    Wayne Rooney To Ply His Trade In America

    Wayne Rooney has agreed to a deal in principle that could see him leave Merseyside this summer to ply his trade in Washington, D.C. The former England striker famously ‘put down the tools’ aged 16 to concentrate on his footballing career, but since joining Everton on a part-time contract, he’s managed to weave time for […] More

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    Danny Drinkwater To Miss World Cup Due To Dehydration

    Danny Drinkwater is set to miss England’s World Cup campaign due to being hospitalised with dehydration. The news serves a devastating blow to the national team, who will now have to face the World Cup without their talismanic, £35 million midfielder. High Press News were among the media frenzy outside of the Hospital For Sick […] More

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    Arsenal To Start Arsene Wenger Robot In Final Home Match

    Arsenal Football Club today announced that their father, Arsene Wenger, will be stepping down as manager at the end of the season. To pay tribute to their long-serving boss, Arsenal have revealed their plans to field a 13-foot Arsene Wenger robot in their final home game of the season vs Burnley. The Gunners have not […] More

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    Man Angry After Wasting £3,000 on a #WengerOut Flyover This Weekend

    An Arsenal fan has expressed his frustration after Wenger announced his departure from the club 2 days before he had arranged a £3,000 #WengerOut flyover for the West Ham game on Sunday. The inexplicably wealthy North London man, who also enjoys throwing coins at referees and opposing players, has told High Press News the plane […] More

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    Roma Manager Accused of Reloading Saves Against Barcelona

    A FIFA independent body has launched an investigation in to claims Eusebio Di Francesco reloaded a previously saved game multiple times in order to achieve the perfect outcome against Barcelona. An outcome which saw his side progress to the semi-finals of the Champions League. For those unaware, the tactic is simple yet seen by many […] More

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    Nwankwo Kanu Celebrates His 24th Birthday

    When the invitation to attend Nwankwo Kanu’s 24th birthday party fell in to the High Press News mailbox, we felt like it wasn’t something we could bat off with a half-arsed response over WhatsApp. We had to attend. This is our story. Walking along the rigid cobble leading up to Nwankwo Kanu’s mansion, the walls […] More

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