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    Sean Dyche’s voice spotted flying over Gatwick Airport

    Between 19 and 21 December 2018, hundreds of flights were cancelled at Gatwick Airport, following 67 reports of drone sightings close to the runway. The incident caused major travel disruption, affecting about 140,000 passengers and over 1,000 flights. One week on, government sources have told High Press News that there may not have been any […] More

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    Mark Hughes Sacked After Embarrassing Draw to Man United

    Mark Hughes has been sacked as the manager of Southampton after eight months in charge at St Mary’s. The Saints currently find themselves 18th in the table following a poor start to the season that was rounded off by their 2-2 draw against Manchester United. “It was the final nail in the coffin” stated chairman […] More

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    Manchester City Owner Admits to Using Infinite Money Cheat

    In the midst of the financial doping allegations levelled at Manchester City, owner Sheikh Mansour has shocked the football world by openly admitting to using an infinite money cheat to bring success to the Manchester club. “”When I heard Greame Souness say you can’t buy the league I thought, ‘game on, old man’,” muttered Sheik […] More

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    Newcastle Fans Buy Mike Ashley a Brand New Helicopter

    Newcastle fans have rallied to buy club owner Mike Ashley a brand new helicopter, allegedly just as a pre-Christmas treat for being such a good owner. The money-raising campaign was started by Jordan Tyne, or “Jordy” to his friends, who claims he wanted to show Ashley that he is a beloved asset amongst Newcastle fans. […] More

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    England Fans Suddenly Care About Nations League

    England fans have declared they are now fully invested in the UEFA Nations League after a shock victory against Spain. Following a goalless draw against Croatia last week, the tournament had been dismissed as a waste of time by pundits and fans alike. But 3 first-half goals against an in-form Spanish side have now made […] More

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    Bolt Thanks Aussie Make A Wish Foundation For Debut Brace

    Usain Bolt was quick to thank the Australian branch of the Make a Wish Foundation for their role in helping him to realise his boyhood dream of scoring in a “professional” game of football. The sprinter was allowed to score two goals for the Central Coast Mariners in a 4-0 win against Macarthur South West, […] More

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    Mourinho’s Contract Renewal Mysteriously Shreds Itself

    Jose Mourinho’s new contract has fed itself through a hidden shredder in Ed Woodward’s filing cabinet, High Press News can confirm. The contract, which would’ve kept Mourinho at United until 2020 and necessitates a substantial pay-out if terminated early, is now null and void according to Woodward’s legal team. “We were definitely planning to stick […] More

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    Cristiano Ronaldo Launches ‘PR7’ Agency Amidst Rape Allegations

    Cristiano Ronaldo has never been a man to pass up an opportunity when sniffing around an opposition defence or the box of an unwilling woman, and with the current media drama surrounding Ronaldo’s rape accusation, the Portuguese star has decided it’s the perfect opportunity to enter the business world of personal representation. The footballing mogul […] More

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    Sporting Media “Devastated” by United Comeback

    The world’s media have expressed their anger and frustration after Manchester United staged a remarkable second-half comeback to defeat Newcastle United on Saturday. In a joint statement, news outlets bemoaned the character and determination shown by Mourinho’s team, reluctantly acknowledging that this may be the catalyst they needed to finally kick-start their season. “Of course […] More

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    Sam Allardyce Claims He Invented The Shaka

    Sam Allardyce today slithered from gravy stained layer to announce that the shaka “wasn’t invented by whoever Paul Pogba thinks it was” and instead by himself. The one-time England boss told High Press News that he was forced to speak out after “accidentally stumbling upon an Instagram story” that showed the Manchester United midfielder throwing […] More

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